This One, That One, and The Other One

I don't typically refer to my children in these terms, but here goes.

Here is a rundown of an average day in our house, and the goings on of This One, That One, and The Other One:

Early Morning: This One or That One come into my room somewhere around 6:35am. This One and That One seemingly rotate turns on waking up early purely for the sake of rousting mommy out of a coma-like state. (Mommy having just fallen asleep after The Other One's 5:30 feeding).

Breakfast: This One barks out orders for a special ordered breakfast. Nice try, but no. That One is simply crying out of hunger...anything will suffice. Both are served the same thing. This One cries out of defeat. Breakfast ends, and The Other One wakes for feeding number two.

Time to get dressed. This One would rather sit on the couch naked. Umm, no. That One doesn't want a new diaper, and will try to run away. The Other One watches the ceiling fan.

Sometimes we go to the gym. This One loves it, That One has a love/hate relationship with it, and The Other One could care less. Mommy likes it though. If we opt to stay home, This One picks the tv program, and That One goes along with the decision. Sometimes they have freak incidents of playing well together, mushed in between fits of screaming, fighting, and crying. Mom referees and wonders why the gym trip was skipped that day. The Other One sleeps.

Lunchtime: This One and That One are starving. This One eats three bites and is 'stuffed'. That One will eat enough to feed three. The Other One still complacently sleeps through it all.

Naptime: This One and That One share a room. Sometimes they crash during naptime. Other times there is a protest. Many times I am treated to repeat trips upstairs for "lay back down or I'll beat your butts!" That One is usually the guilty party, smirking at me while I'm scolding. This One knows the rules and is seemingly annoyed that That One can't figure it out. Once they finally fall asleep, The Other One wakes up screaming for feeding number three...falling asleep precisely 12.2 minutes before This One and That One wake up.

Daddy's Home: This One and That One are ecstatic, and immediately hit daddy up with a barrage of requests for snacktime, playtime, movie time, and computer time. Daddy wades through the see of wee Motzes and places his keys and wallet down. Typically this is where mommy flees from the scene, but oh wait...The Other One just awoke for feeding number four. Mommy finally gets a break right about the time dinner needs to be started. Oh joy! What luck. Daddy takes This One and That One...sometimes The Other One outside. This One and That One ride bikes or play with friends in the 'hood. The Other One quickly finds himself in the arms of a neighbor or four.

Dinnertime: This One hates whatever I've made about 93% of the time. That One likes it about 87% of the time. The Other One chills in the baby swing. This One eats just enough to survive and starts blowing bubbles with milk, juice, or whatever. That One starts throwing food. Dinnertime is over for the four of us, but The Other One is ready for feeding number five. Fortunately this is a bottle, so daddy typically bonds with The Other One then.

Evening: More gallivanting in the 'hood. We must be old people. We eat early and by this time, the other neighbors are inside eating their dinners. This One and That One play in the front yard with me. Their favorite is stomp rockets where they launch rockets several feet in the air. This One dictates to That One what to do and when. That One usually complies, but once in awhile will opt to bite instead. Eventually we are joined by daddy and The Other One.

Bedtime: Similar to naptime, but at least it's dark outside, so mommy and daddy have that on their side. This One and That One are down shortly before The Other One. The Other One takes it hard...lots of crying before finally crashing for the night.

Overnight: The Other One wakes at least once, sometimes twice for feedings. At nearly eight weeks of age, Babywise claims sleep should last all night. Babywise lies. The Other One did manage to sleep 7 hours straight the other night, but it turns out that The Other One was sick. Grrr.


**The above is a typical day. Yesterday was similar except for the fact that That One was constipated and spent 6 hours (after a suppository) crying off and on while trying to pass the Rock Poo-Poo. And yes, that's what That One really calls it. There were many many "mommy, hold me" moments. Combine that with The Other One being sick: pooping all over Frazzled Mommy's lap, in between bouts of throwing up sour-smelling milk on mommy's shirt(s), frequently crying to be held as well.

At this rate, mommy's ordering her uterus to retire.