Messed Up

Look, another post from tonight! Wow!!!

I opened up my e-mail inbox this afternoon to a whopping 19 new messages. That's weird. Weirder still was that 14 of them were from our church office. (They're closed on Mondays). Hmmmm. So I open up the first e-mail and it's from our secretary, asking me to have all of the program updates to her by Thursday. Then she mentioned something about having all the Mega Sports Camp registration forms ready to go. Surely I thought she meant ROCCtoberfest, as MSC happened 4 months ago.

The next church e-mail just was a reminder about our upcoming flier night for our Mega Sports Camp...the flier night where only 2 people showed up to help. That night shook me in my leadership position. I truly believed that no one supported the event that they all said they wanted.

Then I opened another e-mail from church. It was talking about our friend Brian who committed suicide a few days ago and how the church body can help his family. (OK, Brian passed away in May.)

It was starting to dawn on me that this is where all of my missing e-mails had gone. We had massive server issues about 5-6 months ago, and I had to submit several things several times before it would go through the server. Well, NOW they're starting to surface.

The worst one I opened from my church today was an e-mail simply titled 'Prayer Request'. It was the prayer request I sent to the church body in April, asking them to please pray for Jenna Jurgens who recently found out she had cancer for the third time. (The three month anniversary of her passing was just a few days ago.) I wrote about how she was expecting her fourth child and how the family could use all the prayers right now. Talk about a slap in the face. I think of Jenna frequently and just can't shake the sadness associated with her story, but was not thinking of her when I opened my inbox. I was totally taken aback reading a 5 month old e-mail like it was written yesterday. It was so surreal to think that she passed just 2 months after that e-mail was scripted. Reading those words reminded me of the hope we all had back then...the hope we had to relinquish only after recieving that awful phone call.

In just a few short clicks of the mouse, I was reminded of failures, sadness, and absolute heartache. Those e-mails were originally sent out within a several week timeframe, but for some reason decided to unite and rear their ugly heads today. I know God is behind this, but I just don't know what it's supposed to say to me. Definitely a melancholy day.