Jenna

This is my first post in three months. I keep thinking of things to blog about, but never found the time to do so. I kept coming up with funny anecdotes of the kids or of lame little observations that I see as the days blur by. Instead, my first blog in forever is one of sadness. Our friend Jenna Jurgens passed away this morning. She just turned 35.

You may remember me blogging about Jenna. Jenna was on my mom's board and I first met her three years ago. She was diagnosed with AML Leukemia about 10-11 months ago. She was the mother of three, the youngest of which was 6 months old at the time. Last fall, she made her fight with AML Leukemia look easy. I know she had hard times undergoing chemo, getting a bone marrow transplant, and missing her husband and kids insanely while she sat cooped up in a hospital bed for weeks on end. Through it all, she kept on with amazing optimism and strength. She fought fervently to remain in the daily humdrum life that you and I frequently take for granted. She was released from Vanderbilt just before Christmas with a new lease on life.

Several months later, Jenna learned that she was pregnant with Baby #4 (William Conrad Jurgens). About two months into her pregnancy, she discovered that the Leukemia was back. Even when doctors advised her to terminate the pregnancy, she wouldn't even consider it. She chose another treatment plan that included chemotherapy during pregnancy with a bone marrow transplant after the birth of Will. This was being closely monitored by a High Risk OB.

Jenna was admitted to Vanderbilt for a 28 day round of chemo. That was two days ago and she was roughly 21 weeks pregnant. "Back in jail" as she lightheartedly referred to it. She had just come back from vacation in the Gulf of Mexico a few days prior, where she celebrated her 35th birthday and 11 year wedding anniversary. She hurt her leg pretty badly while in the Gulf. She tore several muscles and possibly a nerve. After being admitted to Vandy, she was in pain even with morphine. They checked for a blood clot and didn't find one. Later that night, she had a horrible headache. The CAT scan showed blood outside of her brain, and she was sent to surgery in critical condition. She did not survive her procedure.

Jenna and Will are safe now...free from pain, free from needles, free from illness. Please take a moment or longer to pray for those who are living in the wake of this tragedy...her husband Mark and their three kids: Ashlee (7), Kaity (4), and Jacob (17 months). She also has tons of family flying into Tennessee tonight who would benefit from your prayers as they prepare themselves for their sister's/daughter's/daughter-in-law's/cousin's funeral.

I know God has included this loss into His plan. I am not angry with Him, I just chalk this up as one of those "you-know-more-than-I-do" moments. Even with this plan there is sadness. That sadness equates to real physical pain for those who knew her well. I can't say that I knew her that well, although she and I have the same favorite Starbucks drink in common: a decaf iced caramel macchiato with whipped cream. Or was it the decaf blended caramel frappucino with whipped cream? I alternate between the two and I know she liked one of them as much as I did. A better friend would have remembered Jenna's drink. A better friend would have visited her in the hospital when she gave birth to her youngest...especially after she visited me when Alie was born. A better friend would have visited her in the hospital when she had leukemia. I guess I'm funny about those situations...like I'm somehow imposing on someone's life if I see them in a hospital bed. How selfish is that??? I guess I'm one of those oddball friends who always think that they'll have a better chance to get to know someone "later". I have a hard time connecting with people when the time isn't "right". I feel like I always have to wait for the right moment to make a stronger friendship. That anything else would be considered "imposing".

Talk about a reality check.

Even though I wasn't her closest friend, I had a hard time breathing when I first found out about her passing. For those who shared their daily life with her, the pain must be excruciating. I truly thought she would pull out from all of this and walk away with yet another victory. All I can ask is that Jenna's family and friends see God not as the one who steals our loved ones away, but as the God of compassion and love who knew when to free someone from their earthly pains. I know that doesn't make it easier for a husband who is faced with raising three kids alone while working two jobs. Nevermind the fact he is grieving for the loss of his wife. I know that mindset does so little for the kids who will remember little...or nothing...about their mom who loved them so much. For them there are many questions that will go unanswered for a long time.

That's one of the many reasons why we call it faith.