Jenna's funeral was today. I can't say that I was looking forward to it, although who really does? Funerals are the red-headed step-children of life's ceremonies: appreciated far less than their true value deserves. (My apologies to all of you step-children who coincidentally have red hair by the way...nothing personal.)
I thought I would be ok with the funeral. I felt as much peace with her passing as one could. Sure, I had moments of sadness and many tears over her kids and other family left behind. It's impossible not to feel that pain in this situation.
While getting ready this morning, I had to make a decision. Mascara, or no mascara? If I were a betting woman, I would have said that I wasn't going to cry today. No clue why I thought this, being as I cry at anything remotely sentimental: Hallmark commercials, testimonials, scrapbooks, video/photo montages, kids' birthday parties...you name it and I've probably sniffled about it at the bare minimum. I wondered if I could truly make it through the end of the day with mascara still located somewhere...anywhere...on my face. I held the mascara wand in my hand with every arrogant intention to apply it. It was then that thoughts came to mind -- images of Jenna's smile (the one you see in Ashlee's face), and her living room at Christmas time, the sound of her contagious laughter, and thoughts of her husband and kids. Lastly, there are her parents who had the heartache of burying one of their own children today.
I remembered that day three years ago at Roxy's apartment - my first playdate ever - where I met Jenna for the first time. I recounted the last time I saw her at my church's Mega Sports Camp earlier this month--which was the last time I talked to her face to face. And then there are all those memories - too few in hindsight - wedged in between those two moments. I had to put the mascara wand down. If I couldn't make it out my front door without any tears, then it was a pointless attempt at using vanity to appear bold and strong.
I realize that many of you may not have the slightest clue who Jenna was. Here are some links if you're interested in knowing more about her energetic spirit:
In Memory of Jenna Jurgens: Video/Photo tribute done by Tommie Franklin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8-NPRfZg0A
(To be fair, please note that the REALLY bad hairstyles and make-up are from our 80's bunco night-heh, heh)
Jenna's Blog with Links to her friends and family's blogs:
http://ashkaitnjakesmom.blogspot.com/
And yes, I am guilty of bloghopping all of Jenna's links.
Jenna's Sister's Blog about Jenna:
http://helpsavemysister.blogspot.com/
Updated with photos of Jenna. Fundraising is actively being performed on this blogsite for the Jurgens' expenses.
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3 comments:
I remember seeing you there for the 1st time too.. I was just thinking about that yesterday when my mind was running and I couldn't make it stop. :(
((HUGS)) I didn't wear eye makeup Friday night either, if it's any consolation.. or any day this week for that matter..Just a single thought could provoke a whole nother flood of tears..
I remember that day Kristen!! It's amazing how many of us we managed to squeeze into that apartment. I remember making something with mushrooms and seeing Jenna's face like I was going to make her eat rat doodoo! lol I could never remember how she hated mushrooms and always tried to get her to eat them.
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